I want to teach sex education in Utah’s public schools. If the governor signs the Legislature’s recently passed bill as expected, the state will limit the curriculum to abstinence. No teaching about human sexuality, contraception, and homosexuality allowed. I’ve already written my lesson plan. It would be the same every day. Learn four words: “Just don’t do it.” How difficult is that? It guarantees an easy “A” for all students because there’s no proposal, yet, to test whether students are exercising abstinence. With so little to learn, students will have lots of free time in sex-ed classes to screw mess around. Nor will they have homework, which means none for me to grade. Talk about a cush job!
Maybe the Legislature should also change the state motto from “Industry” to “Ignorance is Bliss.” The state could station Thought Police in each class and arm them with the official state gun to make sure no sex-ed teacher broaches forbidden topics. And make sure that every class begins with students singing the official state song, which includes this lyric: Utah! With its focus on family, Utah! Helps each child to succeed.
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